Debating the Truth - not the best choice

I like to debate.  I get into debates with strangers on Facebook quite often and usually end up angry or trying to beat someone's head in with my words.  I regret this and have been trying not to engage in this manner.  I don't think it does any good.  I usually end up just leaving the conversation and biting my fingers when the other person continues to argue.  I still have a lot of room to grow, but I want to share a little of that process and what I have been learning.  

The first point I have to ask myself is 'are you more interested in being "right" or making human connections and loving people?'  When two people get into a debate, they are seeking a win/lose outcome usually (to convince the other person to come over to their side of the argument).  That isn't good.  It's not worth the "win" if someone else is left feeling defeated.  And really, does anyone ever change their mind through these type of conversations?

There are times when I have sought to find common ground from which to build my case and found that we have totally different foundational truths.  That befuddled me.  To me truth is obvious, but I had to realize that probably everyone feels that way.  We all learn truth based on our experiences.  That means we can all come to a different conclusion.  I do believe in ultimate truth in Jesus Christ, but that is a moot point when talking to someone who does not hold that same belief.  In order to debate or even just explain your point of view, you must find common truth.  I still don't have a clue what to do when the bottom line doesn't match up.

A great example of this has come up in our culture a lot lately.  People from religious backgrounds that believe in the Word of God that tells them homosexuality is wrong often begin to question that truth when they find that their child, or someone else they love believes they are gay.  This issue has shaken many a family.  They begin to question the Bible, their faith, God...  How could this person that I love, who is going through hell in their identity, be sinning?  How can God be right in this situation?  Their truth begins to be shaken because of their personal experience.  Before they had this experience, they would argue til they're blue in the face that homosexuality is a sin.

(From my perspective, understanding both sides of this issue, I do not believe there should be a crisis of faith.  I believe God's word is true, therefore, freedom must be available to the person who believes they are gay. (and btw, having the feelings is not a sin - only acting on them, just like any other sin)  The family should never disown or hate their child, they should continue to love as they always have.  This issue has been so divisive, but it doesn't have to be.  It's just the religious mindset that says we should shun only certain kinds of sinners that is in the way.  Jesus taught us to love.  Truth is, we are all sinners in need of Jesus.)  So in this situation, I would say the religious folk had a wrong understanding of the Bible to begin with, not in that homosexuality is listed as sin, but in that sinners should be shunned or disowned.  They reach a place of realizing that their heart won't let them shun the child and instead of realizing shunning isn't called for in the Bible, they decide the Bible is wrong about homosexuality.  But still, my point is that personal experience shapes our version of truth.

I recently attended a class at church called Brave Communication taught by Bethel's Dann Farrelly.  It was only an intro, but he gave a couple pointers for what our mindset should be when going into a "confrontation."  He said to seek first to understand, then to be understood.  In other words, try to see where the other person is coming from.  I think we often think people are being stupid and stubborn and we must convince them to see things our way.  Maybe if we lost that initial mindset, we could consider the possibility that maybe they have a specific reason for believing the way they do.  If we tried to understand, maybe we'd have a better chance of finding unity instead of having a win/lose outcome.  This helps us when truth isn't the same for the two people involved.  If I understand a person's experience that led them to their truth, I have a better chance of loving them in seeing their point of view.  Listen first, don't just talk and force your own point.

We don't have to agree with someone to love them, if we did, we'd have no friends.  It's ok to disagree with people, as long as we act in love.  When disagreement equals hatred, we have a bigger problem on our hands.  I see our culture believing that we must all agree on everything and it's tearing us apart.  Do you see any benefit from all this fighting over issues?  We are more divided than ever as a nation, trying to bully everyone into joining our "side."  United States of America?  Not anymore.   We seriously need to lose our "us vs. them" mentality and start seeing ourselves as parts of a whole.

I believe that if we seek first to understand, we have a better chance of making a connection and building relationship and restoring our culture.  A person who feels heard, feels safe and valued.  A person who feels attacked in a debate will not be very open to hearing what you have to say, nor being convinced of what you say.  I do not mean we should listen as a form of manipulation, but with a heart to build connections and find unity.  I need serious help in this area!  I want to grow.  Who is with me?

Beauty

Not my typical subject, but for some reason I couldn't get this out of my head this morning, so here goes.  Recently a friend has been pinning things like this....

We would call the image on the left beautiful right?  This is something that has disgusted me since I was young.  I remember once telling my pastor's wife that make-up was a mask, a fake thing that I didn't want anything to do with.  I wanted someone to love me for me.  That opinion of mine has been beat down over and over for years.  Well, I'm not going to be shut down on this one.  

About 10 years ago I was subjected to a Macy's makeover and then paraded in front of the boys of the class to be told I was now beautiful.  They seemed to think that was what I wanted to hear, but it only made me more disgusted with them, and with the women who had subjected me to this hideous torture.  Did they really have no clue as to the message they were sending?  I am only beautiful with a new paint job.  I am not beautiful as God created me.  

To men who want that woman on the left, I would say you don't deserve her unless you can love and appreciate the beauty of the woman on the right.  If you want the one on the left and you praise her for her beauty in this state only, I laugh at the cosmetic bills you will face in your future as she desperately strives to maintain this outer facade that you will cherish and adore.  She will forever be insecure and unloved because she knows that you don't find her beautiful unless she is totally fake.  

If a woman believes she is loved "as is" she may still choose to put on the makeup, to dress nice, to "look pretty" - but she does it because she wants to, not because she has to.  A woman in love with a man in love with her will be able to be truly beautiful because she is secure and feels loved.  There is nothing that makes a woman more beautiful than knowing she is truly loved exactly the way she is.  

I have never believed myself to be beautiful, an opinion validated over and over by society and my peers, but I'm not going to do anything about it.  I am who I am, and if you don't like what God created, that's your problem.  I can't help how He made me.  Sure, I've added 50 pounds to my frame, and that is my fault, but other than that, I can't change it.  If you can only see the outside, you won't ever find out what kind of person I am.  Your loss, because I'm amazing!  If I were to suddenly lose the 50 pounds, start dressing fashionably and cover my face in makeup, would you love me then?  Would you prefer it if I were a fake?  I guess we'll never find out because I know who I am and I won't put on the mask to please anyone.  I want to be loved for who I am, not who others want me to be. 

I saw this video recently of Dustin Hoffman - I found it to be an incredible commentary.  Watch and see what Dustin discovered...

On the flip side of the coin, I've noticed that girls are starting to show a much more shallow side as well.  I have pondered posting this as a status update, but figured it would be odd out of context.  I wanted to post - Are good looking people better at sex? - Odd question sure, but based on what I see in social media, that seems to be the underlying belief.  So many pictures of hot guys with great abs and a girl commenting "I would do him" or something just as profound.  Really? You would give your most precious self to someone for simply being born outwardly beautiful?  No attempt to discover if he is a man worthy of your trust, a man with any depth of character at all, just good abs and a pretty face.  No wonder there is so much pain in the world from misplaced sexual favors.  

So.... bottom line.... when will we stop judging people for what they look like and realize that we were all dealt a certain hand and we had no say in it?  Will you take the mature path and look for inner beauty or continue to miss out on some really great people ?  I too am guilty of this, so I share my own process of thought with you.  

P.S. -- I like a beautiful face or body as much as the next person, but it has never been cause for me to want to marry / sleep with said person.  I view it like I'd view a nice sunset or a beautiful tiger.  Beauty is great, but let's just make sure it is what it is and we don't devalue people because we don't think they are beautiful on the outside.  

Introduction

I have finally decided to start a blog for my random musing throughout the day.  I often get fired up over things I read or see and want to share my thoughts on the subject.  Facebook isn't really the format for this type of writing, so I moved over to an official blog site.  Of course I will post my link to Facebook for those who wish to read.

The title is based on my opinion of opinions.  :)  We all have lived a life that is different than everyone else.  We each develop a worldview based on that life we have experienced.  My title is my attempt to convey that my thoughts are my thoughts based on my life experience.  I love a good debate / discussion with someone of an opposing viewpoint, but only as long as it remains civil and we both remember that our thoughts are based on "Through my eyes."  I believe that this is the only way progress can happen.  If you are rude, I will not want to listen to why you believe as you do, leaving us in opposition.  If you and I are both willing to be respectful and open minded, I think we can both learn from each other and gain understanding and compassion.  This is the path to peace and unity in society.  I do not have to agree with you to love you and respect you.

Since this is my blog, I will be stating my opinion.  I will moderate comments and delete any that do not seem to fit that basic requirement.  I will allow opposing thoughts that are civil and respectful.

Thank you for your consideration.