I'm sure I don't have to tell anyone that emotions are powerful. We are all swayed by emotion all the time. Sometimes that leads us into good situations, but all too often it leads us down roads full of pain and suffering. My main point in writing is to lay out a case for taking control of emotions instead of justifying acting out on whatever we feel and calling it good.
Anger is a simple topic on this point. I am sure we've all been overcome by anger at least once. In that state, violence can rush to the surface and if we allow it to rule, we could lash out and hurt someone and potentially end up in jail over it. The feeling is real, the power of it is strong. Typically we have a personal standard of morality that tells us it's wrong to hurt another person, so hopefully we have learned how to reign in that rush of anger. That's why they have anger management classes, to help people learn to control that impulse. We seem to believe that anger can and should be controlled, kept within acceptable boundaries.
But then we move on to lust/attraction. This topic has become quite muddled over the years. As a society we've been losing a strong sense of right and wrong on this topic. For the same reason as with anger, strong emotion, in this area we have justified it and tried to call it all acceptable. It's already proving to be a slippery slope. Where do we draw the line? How do we decide what is right and what is wrong? Why do we accept one kind of attraction and not another?
Managing one's feelings is important. I think as a culture we still believe it's wrong to cheat on your significant other. It still happens often, but I think we mostly disapprove of it. Does being in a committed relationship mean attraction to others doesn't happen? I've been told it still does. According to some standards, if you feel like it, go for it. No, we expect our partner to show self control and manage those attractions. Love means choosing the one when there are other options according to Kris Vallotton.
What about a single girl being attracted to a married man? She has strong emotions, so is it ok for her to flirt with him and try to get him to cheat on his wife? What about same sex attraction? Now it gets more muddled. This has the potential to be consensual, so is it ok? What about pedophilia? It's an attraction, so can it be followed? They can't help it...… can they? It seems like we've begun to believe that if you feel something, it's real and you should go with it. But where is that leading us?
The only answer I have is found in Jesus, the One they call Truth. He gave us His Word that lays out acceptable behavior and tells us what will hurt us. Then, as a good Father, He gives us tools to choose the right path. I finally learned how to use those tools over the last few years. I wish I'd learned them much earlier, it would have saved me so much misery.
I'm not going to go into what the Bible teaches about all these issues, I think that is pretty much common knowledge at this point. You can look it up for yourself if you really want to know. I mention it because that is where I get my truth. That is the standard to which I want to conform my life. As a kid I watched the people around me and saw that in the places they were in pain, it was usually linked to breaking one of God's rules. I saw it so often that I concluded that God gave us rules so we wouldn't hurt ourselves or others. I didn't see every single rule broken, but I saw enough to extrapolate that truth onto the other laws I hadn't encountered yet. I saw the value and the safety of the boundaries God set for His kids.
2 Corinthians 10:5 tells us we can "take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ." I spent too many years not understanding how to do that. In my late teens I suddenly developed some crazy powerful feelings that I knew were wrong to follow, but I didn't know how to deal with them. I was miserable, spending all my time focusing on the bad feelings, wanting to get rid of them, only seeing them grow and become all consuming, ruining my life. Over 15 years I struggled with wanting to do the right thing by God, but instead remaining a slave to my feelings. I never acted out on these feelings, thank God, but they consumed me inside and caused me so much pain and suffering.
Eventually I met someone who was able to teach me what I needed to know. I learned that the devil is a liar and seeks to destroy as many of God's kids as he can. He whispers in our ears day in and day out. We can easily think that those whispers are our own thoughts. But the devil is a liar. He's been doing this for a very long time and he's pretty good at it. Twisting truth and provoking emotions. I learned that the overwhelming emotions I'd been fighting were there because I'd believed his lies. He had taken advantage of the wounds I'd received in life and he pushed me down roads I didn't want to be on. If only I'd known.
It's easier to use another situation to explain the process of taking thoughts captive because the process was shorter and more clear. I once found myself drawn to a married man. Nothing extreme, just the giddy type of crush that a young girl might have on her basketball coach or something like that. My moral compass told me that wasn't ok, and I knew I had to go talk to my mentor friend who happened to be his wife. Scary! (I learned early on that hiding sinful thoughts is a great way to get them to blow up and get out of control. The light is always a good thing.) The day before that talk, it finally occurred to me to ask God about what was going on. He answered me more clearly than ever before! It was deep! He told me how He had put this man in my life to show me the pure love of a father, a brother, and a friend. I hadn't had very good relationships in those areas so I was very untrusting of men. My dad abandoned the family to run off with the neighbor lady, my brother was great, but so much older, he moved out by the time I was 8, so our relationship wasn't all that close. Boys at school were not nice to me.... I basically hated men. God was drawing my attention to a good man so He could heal my heart. That was a relief! So over the next couple weeks, any time the "crush" type thoughts came up, I stopped them, took them captive, and then reminded myself what God had told me about this relationship. After those 2 weeks, it was over. I captured the lies and turned my eyes to obedience to Truth.
“but you see, just because we've been...dealt a certain hand...it doesn't mean we can't choose to rise above- to conquer the boundaries of a destiny that none of us wanted. to try to retain whatever essential humanity we can.” - Edward Cullen ― Stephenie Meyer, Twilight
I love this quote. Yes, I know, it's Twilight... But it is powerful. I think it makes my point. Morality and truth are constant. We need something solid to stand on or it's too easy to let emotion and desire take us down destructive pathways. If you're not familiar with Twilight, Edward is a vampire, part of a family of vampires. They need blood to survive. It's a base instinct to kill people. But this family has taken a moral stand against that and has chosen to only survive on the blood of animals. Yes, their desire for blood is strong and real. Yes, they could probably justify murder to fulfill their craving. But morality is a choice. They have trained themselves to resist the deep desire for human blood by focusing on a higher truth that murder is wrong.
I like this quote because it's easy to transfer it to sexual desire. People think that is a deep pressing need that must be satisfied. They seem to think they can't live without it. But what about morality? Where do we draw the line? The Bible draws a number of clear lines on the subject. In crossing that line we risk going to far and ending up somewhere we never wanted to be. Do you think first time drug users plan on ending up as the tweaker on the corner yelling at cars? Sin only leads to destruction. At what point in ignoring the law do you slip over that cliff and out of control?
So what if we have desires and attractions that if followed would be breaking God's law or maybe even civil law? As I shared above, take those desires and talk to Jesus about them. Listen. Let Him show you what His purpose is. Maybe He'll show you heart wounds from your past and offer to heal them. Maybe He'll point out lies you've been believing so you can renounce them and replace them with truth. It's not always a quick and easy process, but I am proof it works. My sinful desires disappeared as I went thought this process with Jesus. I began to take control over my emotions and learn to live within God's boundaries for my life. Boundaries are not slavery. Boundaries are freedom! God is a good father and only wants what is best for His kids. He has the best plan for our lives. Freedom and satisfaction are only found within the boundaries God has set out for us.
