What does faith look like to me? I see and hear so many comments from those who don't believe in God that imply that they believe we Christians have completely blind faith in someone we have no evidence of. Like we're just hoping that there's someone out there and we're trying to behave a certain way to please this unknown, possibly imaginary God. I guess to someone without the experience, that is the most logical explanation. I also assume it's why they get so cynical and upset when pastors have nice things. They might think it's quite a racket that this guy gets enough money for that nice car by selling nonsense. I guess I can see that, but let me tell you what faith means to me, because I've only recently begun to get it myself.
Over the last three years I have had some very real encounters with God/Jesus/Holy Spirit. There's been a really cool feeling, there's been a voice, but most of all there's been action. Let me try to lay out my journey.
I was brought up to be very independent and to take care of my own needs. I was pretty successful in this endeavor. I had a job, a home, and really wasn't lacking for anything. My job was not super consistent, so some weeks money was a little tighter than normal, and I was living paycheck to paycheck mostly. So at some point I started getting credit cards. I lived with those as my backup for years til I was enslaved to my debt. It was always something, a car repair, a medical bill, something big that I didn't have enough for. Eventually I am at a place where I'm still living paycheck to paycheck, but $200-300 is going to my debt!
About a year and a half ago I had a revelation. For me, the credit cards were replacing faith in God to provide for me. My pastor Bill Johnson said one day, "how much money is too much? However much replaces your trust in God." That really hit me. I saw that though I don't have much money, having a credit card was where my financial trust was. If something came up, I had that card to pay it with. So I stopped. I told God I was going to trust Him to provide for my needs. I haven't used them since. Things come up, but I've never not had enough. I've had multiple car issues in this time period, but for each one, I had just enough.
My income tax refund came just before a big repair was needed. I was a little disappointed because I had hoped to by a new camera and computer with that money. But guess what? Over the next few months I found a $250 camera on clearance for $60 and a computer drastically discounted down to $200!! So I spent the money on my need, and then saw God provide super deals that just popped up in front of me, so I actually spent less on those items than I would've had I bought them right away with my refund.
I can't tell you how many times I've taken my car to the shop and walked out without owing a cent. I've paid for a few, but I've had them turn out to be under warranty, or such a small fix the mechanic just didn't charge me. If it was just one, maybe you could call it just good luck, but I'm probably approaching 10 times this has happened.
Housing is the other area where I've had some crazy provision. Summer of 2013 I was in temporary housing and had to be out Aug 15. I was online answering every ad I could find for almost 4 months with every single one being "no." I was freaking out! About 2 weeks before my deadline I felt like God told me to just stop. Stop answering ads and posting ads. Just sit there and trust Him. That was a ridiculously hard thing to do for someone so used to taking care of business. Aug 15 arrived and I had nothing. I had all my stuff packed and my friends were coming at 4:00 to get me out of the house. Around 10:00, I got an email asking if I needed a place to stay. I didn't know this person. I went to the house at noon and met the other roommate and got the place!! No pet deposit either! I loved that house, it was so perfect. That was my first big super obvious God provided moment.
Those are the two biggest examples I have for how God has proved Himself to be a good Father, and very very real to me. Faith is the act of not acting so to speak for me. Instead of trying so hard to do it all myself, I have been learning to sit back, not worry, and let God provide for me. It is hard, but the more time that I do it and He shows up, the more it builds my expectation for the next time. Faith is not belief, it's trust. He promised to take care of me, so now He just asks me to trust Him.
So now, I feel like He's calling me to move to another city. I need to find a place, get a transfer for my job, and fill my room here, all in the next week. I was offered a temporary home, and I'm ready to leap. I don't know that I'll find a permanent home, I don't yet have the job transfer confirmed, and I don't have anyone lined up to fill my room. Am I stressed? A little. But not nearly as much as one would expect. I know that God has provided for me every time I've needed Him, and usually at the last minute, so I can relax and trust that He has this one covered too.
I've come to believe that the bottom line of it all is trust. In the Garden of Eden, God gave them everything, but forbid just one tree. Love requires a choice. When Eve was tempted, the serpent told her that God was withholding something good from her. The choice she made was to trust someone other than the good God she'd spent so much time getting to know. Her momentary lack of trust cost mankind everything. So today, we are on a journey back to trust. I have always believed, but trust is a new thing for me. God is not a jerk, so He understands where we are in our journey. I know He's always been around, I can see His hand at work throughout my life, but as I made more direct effort to get to know Him, He has called me deeper. He knows trust doesn't come easy for us, so He very gently gives us opportunities to trust Him. As we see Him as faithful, the opportunities get a little more difficult. Each time we choose to trust Him, our faith grows, and the next challenge is a little easier.
Imagine the level of faith that Abraham had to embark on a journey up a mountain with the instruction to sacrifice his only son, the son of the promise, on the altar. He knew that God would never ask such a thing of him, yet he proceeded anyway knowing that God would provide another way if he just followed the path. To know God so well, I can only imagine. I'm on that journey to discover deeper depths of my Amazing Heavenly Father.
No comments:
Post a Comment