I read an article today that was about the issue of "transgender." There is a cry for help from a group of people that needs to be addressed. There is a lot of pain associated with this whole gender identity issue. The article spurred me to write out my thoughts.
The topics related to sex / gender have fascinated me for some time now. Why? Because I am someone who doesn't fit "the norm." I will say that I agree with this article. This gender identity issue is a mental one that should be addressed, but I want to offer up another answer to the issue. One that is near to my heart.
Gender is cultural. What it means to be a woman in the US is different than a woman in a remote African village. But beyond that, we are ALL different. I like to think of these things as a spectrum. Both sexes have testosterone and estrogen right? They're not doled out in equal parts to all of us, we all land somewhere on the spectrum. We are mostly all born clearly one sex or the other, (there are a few born with both parts) but how our life develops is up for grabs. I think environment definitely plays a part in determining our preferences, but I'm sure our biology does as well. (no, I have no formal education on this topic, just thinking with my brain and reading random articles over the years) A girl who has more testosterone will likely be better at sports and therefore pursue it more than a girl who does not. Just a generalization, but you get where I'm going.
Let me tell you a little about me that shapes how I view this issue. All who know me will tell you that I'm a tomboy, that I hate girly stuff, I hate pink, I hate flowers, but I love sports, baseball caps, and eating burgers instead of salads. Does that mean I identify as a boy? No!
Why am I this way? I would guess in part because I grew up in a neighborhood full of boys. When I went out to play with the neighbor kids, it was all baseball, football, Star Wars... We watched action movies and played ball. I had an older sister, but she married and moved out when I was 8, so before I hit the age of really starting to develop who I was. Maybe if we'd been closer in age I would've been different. Who knows? I know a lot of kids look up to and emulate their older siblings. But as it is, I have always much preferred "boy activities" to "girl activities." This of course caused me to be picked on in school and I never quite fit in with the boys or the girls. Even into adulthood, there were women's meetings at church and I never wanted to go to them because they were all tea parties, fashion shows, and girl food that I wouldn't eat. I have finally come to terms with my identity, I am secure in who I am, but it has not come without a lot of heartache. I would think that I can relate to these youth that call themselves transgender on some level. I don't fit in. I am not what people have told me I should be.
How do I identify myself today at 37? Honestly, to tell you the truth, neither. And I think that is how it should be. (I'm sure some would disagree with me on that, but it's my opinion) I think the entire problem is that people really like to put things in boxes, to create labels to attach to everyone. We so badly want control in our world, we subconsciously insist that everyone fit perfectly into all sorts of little categories. This is what I believe needs to change. There is a loud cry for freedom that is running into brick walls everywhere it turns! Growing up and discovering who you are is hard enough without all the outside pressure to conform conform conform!! We are destroying the uniqueness in people by forcing everyone to be exactly the same or get tormented by their peers. We claim to be a tolerant society, but we are so far from it. Ask any junior high kid. Any little thing that is different about you brings the torment of the other students. We have all been there, we've all felt outcast at some point. Just because we're different.
We all know the boy that likes fashion and art and dancing and is immediately labeled "gay." We all know the girl who dresses for comfort, loves sports, and can fix a car so she is labeled "lesbian." It's sick and wrong!! It is ludicrous to think that a person's likes or dislikes have anything to do with sexual desires. But that is how we label, and that is a big part of messing up the minds of kids who are trying to figure out who they are. We're telling them that "because you like this, you must be this." Why can't a boy like fashion and still like girls? Why can't a girl be good at sports and still like boys? Why are these people the targets of bullying? Why can't we just let people be who they are? If we're all the same, life is boring and a lot of stuff wouldn't get done. We need everyone to be who they were created to be. What would the world look like if everyone could be free to be? I think it would be a much happier place.
I don't know how to end this. It's human nature to categorize things. All I can hope for is that I can write something that makes one person think, and that person shares it with another and it spreads, changing attitudes and perceptions. We desperately need true tolerance and acceptance of the unique nature of every single human being. Stop labeling people on first impressions. Stop insisting that everyone be the same. Stop telling little boys to not play with dolls. Stop forcing little girls to wear pink every day. We all have a sex, male or female, that is not up for debate. It tells us what our role in reproduction is, that's about it. Beyond that is a huge spectrum of possibility.
The rest of our identity is a mystery to be sought out and discovered with great joy! I wasted so many years listening to others tell me that who I was was wrong and I needed to change it. I had a culturally based gender identity forced on me and I didn't have the courage to fight it yet. I know that eventually my journey brought be to a discovery of my destiny to live and serve in Uganda. Once I found that piece, all the other quirks and oddities suddenly made complete sense! I was created for this! This is who I am and where I find my joy. I only hope that everyone else is given the same freedom to find who they are and rejoice in it.
I am Superman. Deal with it. :)
P.S. -- Since this whole Bruce Jenner story has blown up, I'm revisiting this post. I don't know his story. I don't know why he thinks he should be a woman. My heart breaks for him that he sees his only option is to mutilate his body and artificially medicate himself for the rest of his life so that he can appear as a woman. I wonder if the things I've said here could've helped him see another option if he had encountered these ideas. I wonder what made him believe he couldn't be himself without changing his appearance. It's so sad, and even sadder that our media is hailing him as a great courageous hero for what he's doing. I think he is a very hurt and confused man and I hope he finds the help he needs so he can be at peace with the man he was created to be.
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