What does it look like to trust God?
Since I moved to California in 2012, I have been on a journey of learning what it means to walk by faith. I'm nowhere near perfect in it, but I am learning in small bits how to apply faith to my life. I've been feeling prompted to write this for awhile now, and finally I am up at 4:00 in the morning because I can't ignore it anymore. This is a part of my life I don't share often because "that don't preach." This is a hard path, but I want to share how the hard path has worked out for me.
A lot of the perception of faith is that we just believe stuff with no evidence. That is not true. I've heard it said "faith is an action" or "faith is spelled R-I-S-K." This I have come to understand. In part. It means to take what the Bible says and step into it before you see the proof. To do what He says to do, when we have no control over the outcome.
My journey began with a trip to the dentist in July 2012. I had discovered a small painful bump on my gum, just above my front tooth. Root canal. I just knew it. The diagnosis came as I expected it would. I've had two other root canals and they cost around $1800 without insurance. This time it would be more. This tooth that was in trouble held up one end of a bridge, so not only was it a root canal, but an entire bridge replacement, three new teeth. I had dental insurance, and even so, the estimate I was given was $3500. I was new in town, working very few hours, barely making it. No way I could come up with that much money. Scary. What will I do?
The thought came to my mind, "this is an attack on your finances." I have been moving toward living in Uganda full time, so I had to pay off my credit card debts before leaving. Adding $3500 to that debt would not be helpful. In that moment, I had the idea to say no to the diagnosis. I made a choice to trust God with this situation. For me that looked like refusing to go back to the dentist, and going to the Bethel Healing Rooms every Saturday for prayer. I also cancelled my dental insurance. My actions were faith. I was saying, "God, all my eggs are in one basket. I'm trusting You to take care of me like You promised."
It has now been over 5 years and I have not returned to a dentist since that day. Sometimes that tooth flares up and hurts, but it usually can be prayed away quickly. I've had other teeth get cavities, and then get better. Each time something shows up, I re-up my statement of faith in God's provision. I'm doing my best to take care of my teeth, and trusting God to do the rest. My teeth are by no means perfect, but I'm not in pain very often and I see progress in their healing. And I didn't pay $3500.
In the summer of 2013 I had to find a new home. I had my cats with me, so every place I answered an ad for told me no. I was in a temporary place until mid August. I had a specific date I had to be out by. About two weeks before that date, I felt God say "stop looking, stop responding to ads." That was a very difficult thing to hear. But I listened. Highly stressful time. I can't say it was my high level of faith, because this was a crazy difficult two weeks for me. But something in me believed God had spoken, so I was acting (or not acting as the case may be) on what I'd heard.
The day came where I had to be out. I had all my stuff packed and my friends were coming at 4:00 to get my stuff out. I sat there with no idea what I was going to do. At noon I got an email from someone I didn't know. Apparently I'd contacted her about a room in the early part of the year. She asked if I still needed a place. I ran to meet her roommates and the place was great, the people were great, and they said I could move in!! No cat deposit, no rent due until the next month... Awesome!
The next test came in regards to my finances. I think it was sometime in 2013 when I felt God was prompting me to stop using credit cards all together. When you only get scheduled 12 hours at work, the credit cards are what hold you over. Not using them was a scary idea. There have been multiple tests since then. I'll just stick to the two that stand out.
I was saving money to go visit my best friend in Hawaii in 2014 when my car started acting up. It felt like a transmission issue which I knew could be very spendy to fix. Credit cards jumped to mind, but I felt like God was telling me to get my Hawaii money ready. That was heartbreaking. Going to visit my best friend was so important to me. I took my shoebox full of cash to the auto shop with me, ready to sacrifice something I wanted more than anything in order to follow God's prompting. After a stressful time in the waiting room, the mechanic came back and handed me my keys. All done, no charge. ??? He said there appeared to be some brand new hoses installed in there. I had not had any work done, and no hoses that I knew of. So.... did God just fix my car? Maybe. :)
Fast forward to 2017. Tax time. I had been hired as an independent contractor, so I was self employed and I didn't know all the money I was supposed to be holding out from my paychecks. I had my taxes done mid-March and ended up needing about $1000 more than I had set aside. My paychecks were not giving me much extra at that time, so I didn't have room to cover that much. I looked at my credit cards, decided which one to use to pay my taxes. But wait. I''m not supposed to use them. In another leap of faith, I went and paid the tax guy his $200 fee and placed my faith in God to provide yet again. I started driving with Lyft to try to earn more money. Within that next month, I paid my taxes, I paid the quarterly tax that was also due the same day and we'd not expected to be able to pay that at all, I paid the tax guy, and I bought 4 new tires for my car. In other words, in one month, aside from my regular monthly expenses, I paid out $2200 that I didn't previously have!! I can account for about $700 of it with Lyft and some gifts, but that is it. The rest doesn't make sense. But God.
I'll stop there with my examples. I hope I've given a good picture of what I think it means to live by faith, at least in part. I only have done this in these couple areas. Money and health. Other areas I struggle a lot. But I hope to take what I've learned and find ways to transfer that faith into other places in my life.
Our choices matter. I think that what I get out of all this is that God will let us take care of our own lives as long as we want to, but when we decide to lay it in His hands, we get to experience our Good Father taking care of us. We can work harder, sacrifice more, hurt more, and carry the stress of life on our own shoulders if we want to. Or we can exchange our yoke for His and let Him carry the load. The Bible says we are to have Faith like a child. Does a little kid worry about paying the mortgage? No, he trusts that his daddy has that covered.
The trap in this life is the lie of "I can do it myself." Maybe you think you can. Maybe you have been. But I am suggesting there is a better way. Maybe I could've picked up a second job and worked hard to pay to fix my car. Maybe I could keep using my credit cards and just hope to get out of that slavery some day when I get a better job. Instead, when I chose to listen to Holy Spirit, I got to see my Heavenly Father step in and provide for me. That is truly a miracle! What I'm suggesting is that we don't see a lot of miracles because we keep trying to do everything ourselves. We have too many back up plans here in this country. Too many other options before we even think about going to God. I think that when we remove those things as options, we open the door to see what God can do.
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